


My Poetry Dump of Garbage

by Maya0507



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: Poetry, Poetry Dump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 20:01:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 6,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13197516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maya0507/pseuds/Maya0507
Summary: Literally just a place for me to dump my works of poetry. I do take criticism but some of my works were more rushed or churned out than the others, so I will get cranky if you say my wordplay isn’t as good as my greatest work on my least great work. Don’t let that stop you, though. Poetry is one of the not-so-many things I happen to like and be decently proficient at! So I’d love to improve even more. Sorry if my poetry is short, I’m not too good at making them all that long, considering I typically write these in one sitting. (Also, I know my titles are crap. I never really title my work.)I’m willing to take all sorts of criticism, from minor things like a spelling error to writing style or intent as a whole. (Not saying I’m not gonna be butthurt, though.)I’m quite an amateur, so don’t be too hard on me. Thanks for bothering to read my stuff.





	1. The Jester

**Author's Note:**

> This very first one is among one of my better ones, at least in my own opinion.

Do you live without passion or purpose?  
Do you have the spirit of a jester?  
Then do so as he says, speaks and shall propose;  
Your life is no longer your own.  
The devil has taken hold,  
burying itself inside only to fester.

Comedy is the disease,  
and we’re spreading it with great ease.  
Devilry is our symptom;  
Spreading it with no such delirium. 

We are evil, and yet we are only what isn’t monochrome.  
I’m not medieval, and my life isn’t inscribed into your tome.

Bubbling foam, static spray  
Normality through the haze  
Nothing can escape this craze  
Unless through reality you faze.  
Lab rats, running through a maze.  
Running desperately for praise.  
But in the end, that raise  
Was too deficient.  
Bursting sparks, gurgling cauldrons  
But nothing was enough precaution  
For a life presented with no options  
Is it fun being all alone?  
Clocks a ticking, bells a ringing  
But we can’t hear the angels singing  
And all of life just comes on stinging.  
We must atone.  
Sickeningly sweet, terrifyingly sour  
I can’t taste anything more at this hour  
My tongue has been deafened by all the smells  
Inconsistency, lies, why, they only swell!  
Bursting forth, exploding lotus crimson!  
By what, who, which am I being driven?  
As time trickles by slicing my hands away  
I fear, here for me, there must be  
Nowhere to stay.

But I laugh, but I cry,  
Because the devils in my eyes,  
Chasing him while he chases me.  
For an everlasting eternity.  
Is this our true comedy?  
But in the audience, barren of life.  
A light shines greater than us.  
Suddenly, my fight, my battle, my strife  
has been forever lost.


	2. Fireflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of my more simplistic poems. Definitely not my best work, but it's decent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And no, not the kind you remember hearing about in that one song.)

A tune scarred in my memories  
Only stories   
Can truly tell me how great you are,  
This is, truly is our work of art.  
And as you give me so many fireflies  
I can’t even hold on to them all  
They reach out of my arms and illuminate the sky  
Before reaching heavens peak and call.  
I’m slipping, but only over our many ambitions  
No matter how much you tell me this is tradition  
I’ll never get over this, I’ll never let go of that,  
I’m just too hopelessly attached.  
And as the fireflies, as they begin to fly,  
Back into my bottle of atrophy.  
I can’t even see, I don’t know why I cry,  
But suddenly you’re right there beside me.  
And though I flee, and though I flee,  
You're still continuing to follow me in my creed.  
And as the fireflies, as they begin to cry,  
From years and years of the same atrophy  
You see why, and you always try  
To circumvent this catastrophe.  
But nothing, not even a miracle can save me.  
My fireflies have all died right before me.  
But before i can even shed a single tear  
You’re here  
I’m here  
And yet  
Every single time I try to fret  
Every single time, you never let  
Up your fight, to try and make things right.  
You stop me before, shake me to my core  
And let us be happy, evermore.  
Walking home straight through it’s door  
My fireflies are here again.  
But this time, always.  
I no longer need a friend.  
I no longer need a ways.


	3. Stolen But Received

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter than they usually are, but I didn't feel that as many words were needed to convey the feeling. When I try to force words into a poem that's rightfully finished, it just comes out awful. Hope you enjoy.

A message of love  
So strong it stole my heart and kept it beating  
Defeating, anything but wills of the above, with love.  
So put my heart in a locket  
I’d be willing to socket  
Anything that you wanted  
Just remain so lovingly undaunted  
Leaving snowy prints in the gravel  
I can’t tell you how hard I fell  
But when I was on the snowy grounds  
You looked into my eyes  
And told me everything would be alright  
And I cried, and you cried, and we found  
A love truer, newfound.  
You lifted my feet up off the snow  
And I can tell it was not for show  
That you love me even as my breath blows cold  
And in the end, you reap what you sow  
As the sunset glows  
Glistening like gold  
I think of the stories told  
And realize there’s no legend greater   
Than loving sooner rather than later.


	4. Rusting Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one isn't as good as they usually are, but I was writing this on a rather... half-baked emotion, at best, so its clear to me why this is. But still, in the spirit of being honest with my faults, here you go. Yes, I also know that the title is terrible too, but its befitting, because who would waste good words on something that isn't good itself? Hope you enjoy it, even if it is terrible.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,  
Nothing will remain come this dusk.  
Trusting to ashes, rusting to a husk.  
Till nothing remains, nothing of us.  
Trying and failing, gaining trust.  
Till it’s mowed down, to a musk.  
Nothing is left, nothing at all.  
And yet for this, who will take the fall?  
Who will realize,  
The missing one come roll call? I wonder,  
Who will sympathize,  
For the man who had taken them all? I ponder.  
And it seems no matter how much I think,  
My handcuffs simply clink along.  
Everything around me tells me this is wrong.  
But I’ve been blinded by this song.  
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  
Nothing will remain come this dusk.  
Trusting to ashes, rusting to a husk.  
Till nothing remains, nothing of us.  
A hollow song of grief echoes out,  
With nothing more than a simple pout.  
But those who dig deep enough will surely find,  
A crying man, biding his time.  
Is being upset really such a crime?  
Oh well, I guess I’ll try harder next time.


	5. A Full Course of Confectionary Conundrums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's really old, really short and annoyingly simpleminded to me. Of course, this could just be me spouting nonsense about the world's best piece of poetry, but I still have to be harsh on my art. The concept is easy enough to understand, what with the millions of times I reiterate it, but the words I chose to use had to be the part that was hardest to understand. "Infectionary" isn't even a word, and that's what bugs me the most, but it's far too late to disturb the corpse of literature any more with my nonsense, so here you go.

The clack of the strings grinding harshly,  
The heart of a zombie beats impartially.  
A wicked perversion of life, in the living and dead.  
The zombie won’t ever be satisfied, simply fed.  
Final words being yelled out wicked and hoarse,  
The zombie hasn’t yet eaten it’s full course.   
The heart hasn’t yet stopped beating,  
The nerves haven’t yet stopped kneading.  
Doughy substances can be heard tearing into bits,  
Zombies can be heard cramming in anything that fits.  
Gnashing, chewing, swallowing, regurgitating, crunching, gulping.  
Make sure they eat their full course, their full helping.  
Call me a veteran of hypocrisy, an orchestrator of mass dilemma.  
Take a look outside, you’ll see the wonder filled vendetta.  
Guided under a thick layer of icing and confectionary,  
With a microscope you’ll see the truly infectionary.   
The killing game goes on, monsters under a thick layer of sugar.  
Maybe, after seeing even this, you’ll join with vigor?  
The lust of the zombies only grows bigger.  
Close the curtains, draw back the blinds.  
In a bunker, closed off from society.  
Let us demonstrate true propriety.  
But, we haven’t asked all the questions yet.  
Draw a card, and we’ll pass the time.  
Shuffling the cards, the first one let.  
Question one: who here has committed the crime?


	6. Miscellanious Foster Care For Terribly Short Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is just going to be a compilation of poetry that turned out to be too short to publish on its own. One of my biggest policies about poetry is to never go into a work with one emotion, leave it, and enter it with another. Seeing as I don't like doing this, sometimes the emotions I enter with are too short lived to ever actually get anything more out, so with that realization here are some half-baked and short lines!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to be added as I make even more terrible works, with terrible intent!
> 
> I'll put a -o- divider to signify the start of a new poem.

A seamless staccato of breath  
A sacrilege of death  
A painful, miserable journey  
Lies up to the gurney  
Would it be so painful to submit? A crumbling resolve  
Pains of the heart, throbbing problems can’t be solved  
Holding on until my debut  
Only to crumble before you  
No sympathy, only synchrony  
An orchestrated stab to the back  
Desperately clutching the heart I lack,  
Shunned as a mere phony.  
Oobleck continues it’s flow, but fails to stick.  
Missing all valid points, they know it’s a shtick.  
Flowing until my grandeur death  
Flowing until an apparent lack of breath  
Even flowing out of my corpse, crushed in rubble  
And even then, I ask myself if it was worth the trouble.

-o-

And I know sometimes you just want to cut off all of the loose ends  
Of the yarn ball, enemies, family, even friends  
But you must understand, you can make amends  
And you don't even have to pretend.  
So to you you, my invitation I extend.  
And if you accept, we will make dividends.  
So don't sit around, thinking you cannot transcend.  
Your philosophy is easily bent.  
Don't worry, you don't have to comprehend.  
This charm will eventually apend.  
Just know that it will never truly be the end,  
And that you will never truly be without a friend.  
Amends, appends, dividends, we can all acquire.  
Just know that I will never cease fire.

-o-

No matter how many times I study the ancient rune that is my life,  
Time and time again, I can't seem to narrow down this constant strife  
(But with you, this desolate planet grows wildlife.)  
And no matter how many times I'm able to count the stars, falling in the sky.  
Every single time even more fly by, and I find myself lost, awry.  
But no matter how many times I lose myself in the atmosphere  
I will always know that you are here.

-o-

And so I said, I will protect you.  
Send my angels from the stars above,  
with all my love.  
And you know, sometimes I was questioning the truth.  
And you were anything but a sleuth.  
But even still, you stood beside me.  
Taught me the real meaning of "free"  
Now, more than ever.  
So in return, I'll forget you never.  
In reality, living life is tough love.  
Watch your most dearest fly away like a dove.  
But the red string that attaches us will be always,  
Something that will eternally, never fray.

-o- (Note: That's it for the old poems that I had to dig through discord to find! Everything else here will be at least, somewhat recent to 2018.)


	7. Flower Petals (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh hey look it isn't 5 seconds this time. oh wait look it is.
> 
> (you know sometimes I'm just too lazy to give anything a proper description. I'm too much of a hateful, spiteful person to ever really like anything I make on my own without someone else having to praise it first. So, here you go. Enjoy it if you feel like enjoying something. Now here's my actual description.)
> 
> This one is way too loaded with flower symbolism for anyone to understand without googling at least something. This is old, so don't judge me too harshly.

The street filled with dandelions and pansies  
I remember the beautiful aster once apon green fields  
My sweet, sweet tansy. But the great weather yields.  
The rain is taking me away, everything is flooded  
But then, a sight for a mind just as muddled  
The streetlights warp into flares,  
But it's seems that no one else cares,  
Knock on wood, maybe a revolution will fall down.  
Or perhaps the kings crown?  
But all that really falls down is candytuft.  
A bullet richochets, just my luck.  
She, her friends, said I'm like coreopsis,  
but those who spoke before, corpses.  
My mind flashes blue, yellow, white, lead.  
Before finally halting at black.  
All I can see, once I'm back,  
Is the signature Rosemary Red.  
Suddenly, the meaning behind these meaningless words bites my head off.  
Have I been ignorant, or perhaps loft?  
I wake up, fallen asleep on your grave.  
The Rosemary's still there, goodbye, dear stave.  
As I left your grave, my feet in a resounding walk,  
Blue anemone, yellow lilies, white carnations, "lead" stock.  
At last, I can signify michealmas.  
At last, I can finally say goodbye.


	8. Flower Petals (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is easier to understand, but what's the point if you didn't even understand the first one? also, please don't judge me for being too lazy to appear proper on the internet, unless its directly in my poetry. and I'm never going to explain a work to anyone, because there's no point if I just give you the answer. just a warning though, sometimes in my poetry I don't know what I meant thinking back. it's not a matter of writing a line without thinking though, rather its just my memory. and for some reason, not only did I decide to get off topic, I decided to make this poem longer than the original, when the original in no way needed any part two. (I did not make this recently)

Looking into your eyes, buried this flower field.  
The flowers swaying in the wind, our wind.  
And amidst all these flowers, your confession to never yield.  
A confession never to rescind, we grin togetherness.  
The river flows smoothly through our puddle of pansies,  
But we found ourselves frozen in time, nonetheless.  
But breaking our peace, rivers become seas.  
Desperately reaching for my hand,  
But the bow hasn’t yet hit land.  
And I find myself buried under the trees.  
“Well, so long as I made you smile, this death has not been in vain.  
Well, so long as you can continue to smile, this grief will not be just pain.”

Even in those sunny days, I found my thoughts darker.  
In sunny skies, death did tend to be starker.  
The contrast was thick, the conclusion flimsily wavered.  
But when I found my answers fickle, my belief had not tapered.  
Even if I die in this horrible plan I call repairs  
There really isn’t any solid way to compare  
It’s a miserable, awkward, and lonely plan  
But so long as I can die seeing your smile,  
I will be able to withstand.  
But, for now, please stay a while.  
This is my last chance before the trial.

The same creek I’ve gone to evermore  
Death emits from its shore.  
And though only I know what’s to come,  
From these devastating creeks.  
I know that even in these slums,  
Despair has reached an all time peak.  
The time has come, and deep within these slums,  
A plan has been executed, and the water has been diluted.

Suddenly I’m falling, drowning, swimming all at once  
Who has pushed me under? It’s not my time yet.  
The weight on my back, it could weigh a ton,  
But she has always told me not to fret.  
I stand back up on my feet, floating like a flower,  
But the sight I’m greeted to grates me to a grinding halt;  
And yet somehow, it’s still my fault.

Placing rosemary from nearby, today marks a day of many.  
But next Easter, I promise I’ll bring you January.  
Compiling all my memories, giving you my blessings,  
Never a story, never covered in dressing.  
Next year I’ll bring you everything,  
My sweet tansy.


	9. Serenity's Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a poem about regret. is that what its about? its been so long. I was so edgy back then, I can hardly remember. anyway, this one is terrible, old and decrepit, but its too long to go into chapter 6, so here. more of a story than a poem, if I have any right to say anything at this point. and yes, this poem is as edgy as shadow the hedgehog.

Mask bent skyward over my mouth  
Rebellion can no longer have a voice  
And you speak those spiteful words dripping acid  
It's not like I'm lounging around, this was never a choice  
But before I can breathe, I'm drowning in the rapids  
I walk away, steps beating heavy like metal.  
Tension heavy, like boiling tea in a kettle.

Horrible words, packed chalk full of Sriracha  
A horrible joke, the prankster says "gotcha"  
Though it's meant to be funny, the laughter rolls out of my throat and dies.  
Hey there, have you actually met your demise?

Every time I try to speak, this cast of sincerity is forced upon  
And I fear that my harsh truth will do more than graze  
Though, at this point, you'd probably tell me to "come on"  
I just can't pull myself out of this haze.

I'm done forcing serenity on the truth  
Though sadly I may become uncouth  
Prices to be paid, debts long due.  
Maybe I should pay these off soon?

Say one, two, five, ten,  
I've lost track of the lies pouring out.  
Please, call my name, again  
I don't want it to end with a bout  
All I wish for is purity, idolizations  
But is it too much to ask of my own creation?  
A wisp of a hope that had once been dies in your ears  
But those ears no longer had any will to listen.  
Please, hear me speak, before that ugly side rears  
I can see, in the dark of night, your glistening tears

A tombstone, inscribed "here lies yours truly"  
Have you really been wrenched away this cruelly?  
Torn down from my diamond throne,  
My right to silence whisked away as thus;  
As I'm told all I can do is atone,  
and pray to those I trust.  
With all these tears, truly your tomb will begin to rust.  
And only now, do I truly feel alone.  
The truth has consequentially lead to the soul being lost  
Maybe, perhaps, the river on your grave will grow moss?  
A heart torn away just as grisly as the last  
Maybe next time won't be as fast?


	10. Space Station

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as described by my past self best, "Most of it didn't make sense until I squinted."
> 
> some words aren't even real. like "viscerous" (in an attempt to make another form of viscera)
> 
> I had to replace a word at the end because it wasn't real, but there was nothing that rhymed and had the same meaning, so I just put "erasure"
> 
> this one is actually really terrible like, even for my standards this is bad. but again, flawed or not, I have to post it (as a rule to myself for documenting my poetry so I can look back at it one day and go "man I was edgy" like I do now) so here you go. you won't enjoy it.

Floating in space, an unknown poison could touch my lips and I wouldn't even notice.  
Inhaling the sweet oblivion, or lack thereof, life isn't a sweet lotus.  
I remember a distant past of flailing limbs and voided movement, stolen.  
I couldn't push myself, but when someone else pushed me I couldn't stop rollin'.

There's nothing, not here, not there, not anywhere.  
Living life cruelly, without a care.  
I feel something wrenched from my hands, familiar.  
Pitter, pat, pity, scat, the sound of nonsense can be heard.  
Or is it just that these tears are rather curd?

I'm crashed into with a violent force.  
That which hurt me, is it living or dead? Living or dead...  
The beast in question continues without remorse.  
A life that which has already been read..  
Would such a thing care to be missed?  
I can almost feel deaths kiss.

Everything is numb, dripping viscerous, acidic red blood.  
My mind, like everything else, is stuck in the mud.  
Cogs turning and creaking to try and find plausibility,  
This life has lost all tangibility.  
I'm floating away from the station,  
Going for the goal of complete erasure,  
My body loses any and all sensation.


	11. Prosciutto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a poem that is only four verses  
> but I used this once to troll my teacher on a project  
> so no matter how many curses  
> this is beautiful, and you can't object you object

I ate prosciutto by the fireplace.  
Who could replace me, I am an ace.  
I know you can't keep up with this poems pace.  
But you never did say this was a race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legitimately made this "poem" to troll my teacher. She required us to write three poems for a part of a project. Having wrote two successfully but being tired all the same, I decided to really give up at the end. (Because honestly, it was the end of the year, and she couldn't touch my grades at that point in time.)


	12. Shoddy and Robust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I can upload recent poems! I feel so free!  
> Here’s one that’s pretty recent as of post date.  
> This one is a bit longer than usual, and though I typically base a poem off of a central metaphor, it changes each stanza.

Old continents clashing and grinding  
Conflicting and contradicting, sending sparks to the world  
There’s no meaning here I’m finding  
Flickering and bickering, an on and off relationship  
Is that all we were to you? But I’m still here, on this abandoned planet.  
And as your lies become unfurled  
I simply couldn’t care less, hate me more   
We always knew that my love would never tip.  
A glass entirely full, lidded and impossible to spill.  
Call me sergeant, call me superhero, call me cadet  
Just don’t say my name, I don’t need my fill.

I can’t stop loving you, even when you hurt me.  
Whips, whiplash. Bullets, ricochet.  
I feel, without your pain, I will never be free.  
And I’ll never have a love that doesn’t ask for pay.  
If I leave you, I’ll never find happiness, so even when it hurts  
Even through the pain, through the sorrow, through the worst  
Crying alone, knowing I’m not enough,  
Why do you stay? Why do you insult me even still?  
Why is it that I can’t accept love whenever it isn’t rough?  
I desire death, in this horrid silence. I have time to kill.

Just strike my heart with your daggers of hate,  
and finally put an end to my miserable fate.  
No matter how much I’m in agony,  
I can never feel as if I deserve revenge.  
So torture this beaten, ragged me.  
And let some hero come to avenge.

I hate myself so much, that I hate everyone else.  
A sparkling light, I shun eagerly with ease.  
Who cares if doing so brings me no wealth?  
I’ll do whatever I please.  
But the light, never once leaves.  
Am I being decieved?  
Go, reprieve!  
You don’t have to brag about how satisfied you are!  
You’re so far from her heart!

I write a letter about how much I hate you,  
Leaving out my blaring jealousy.  
And how I wish such things weren’t true,  
Daggers once again rain from our odyssey  
The one who had promised to write along my side;  
Now comments with snide, in her stride  
“I love her so much.”  
And now, I’ve been abandoned once again.

The light blares on.  
I beg her to stop the con.  
But the list goes on, until dawn.  
I wake up, and she’s there.  
I beg her to leave me, to go away  
And the chains clink in pain, astray.  
But she sidles up closer,  
And though I’m the composer,  
My words shatter,  
and nothing else will matter.

We run away, wolf and red hood.  
Running from a desolate world,  
Running away for good,  
To a place where the chains no longer whirl.  
The poison tipped daggers have healed into roses,  
Professing my love out of poison, in doses.  
My handcuffs, unlocked, clink.  
And then, we’re gone, in a blink.  
The cup, previously full and locked tight  
Knocked over, now in a new light.

The broken CD phonograph plays once again.  
To a different tune? Perhaps. Just with one append.  
Will this be the last time? Of course not.  
If the story ends here, her world would rot.  
For the sake of unadorned suffering, pop the champagne.  
And finally, here’s to hoping we strike a vein.


	13. Sporadically, But a Fallacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn’t make sense, but in doing so, it makes sense.  
> I’ve been feeling contradictory, so I decided to make something to reflect constant contradiction of motive, suffering and just about everything.
> 
> Excuse me if I’m trash, you’re welcome and thank you. I know.

I’m a diver, making my grand leap of faith  
Make me a cadaver, give me my cast.  
Standing before me the peak of my desire  
On the bring of the hate consuming me, the wraith  
I decide my path, and my path sets fire.  
Twisted with contorted intention,  
Renewed with concerted inattention.  
I’m sinking before I’ve even felt the waters,  
Being lead like a lamb to the slaughter.  
One can only dream of being set free  
Here, in the land without dreams.

And as the cold water awakens  
I remember I’m terribly forsaken  
The weights on my feet clench  
Until nothing left, and the water turns red  
And life leaves me like a wench.

I wake and there’s nothing for me to see  
Nothing for my eyes, dirty and without concord.  
And the only one who holds the key  
To the blindfold that grows tighter with every passing day  
Is the leader of discord, and mass contradiction  
I look in the mirror and laugh, because there’s nothing left.

This is the fate I’m tied to, and I can’t outrun the world.  
And I couldn’t hold myself back, even as my lies unfurled.  
Even still, no one loves this.  
“This mess,  
We order an arrest,  
So that we can all see less,  
We do bid you adeu.  
Hope you remember the real you,  
And how dissapointed we are.  
But see, death isn’t far.  
But redemption is a long road, a road longer than life.  
Are you sure you want to lead that strife?  
I’d rather cut myself with a knife.”  
Strangling, griping for meaning  
So I can do much less leaning  
But my lifeline is simply gone  
No matter how wrong  
And it flies away like a kite.

Im a diver, but my water is absent.  
And from the bottom of my lonely pool,  
It’s impossible to ascent.  
And I’m simply a fool.  
Wanting to be everything,  
When not a thing yet existed to them.  
Wanting to be the king,  
In a world of democracy.  
Aren’t I crazy?  
I wish you’d love me.  
But im just being too contradictory,  
Too contrary, convoluted,  
Too seeking of only victory,  
Whilst only wallowing in misery.  
Even if im polluted, dilluted,  
Let’s please have one more innocent sensationalism.  
Otherwise I’ll just be another anachronism.


	14. The Endless Tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I kinda just, saw someone and got inspired. I didn’t want them to be mine, but I wanted to work with them. But, a plain face like mine probably wouldn’t be that interesting, so I just wrote this by my lonesome.

As life goes on  
From dusk till dawn  
As the tide draws   
At the cease of the applause   
You’re right there  
And I’m here with you.  
So no matter what I bear,  
I know you’ll be with me, too.

Ripped apart at the seams  
Ripped apart, pleasant dreams  
The tide has swallowed everything in sight...  
And tell me, where has the light  
Disappeared..?  
And tell me, how is this bright  
As these tears  
Continue to fall  
Oh, the waves are all  
Gone. (Gone away.)

Am I worth your love? Am I worth your adoration  
And even if this isnt true, I can’t but help feel elation  
As the tide sinks back   
As our nerves endlessly wrack  
Once again, it repeats once again  
Even in these times when  
We love more than ever,  
But nothing is forever.

Set the world ablaze   
My wonderful pyromaniac  
Turn all of this worthless sand  
Into sparkling, shiny glass.  
The smoke is hazing  
Over my plan.  
But that’s alright, that’s okay  
Because even if we don’t last the day  
The tide will come sweep us away.  
(So let us end our stay  
And be on our way.)


	15. Unlisted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was getting kinda pissy today, and then my friend compared me to my sister who I hate with the power of one thousand suns, so I wrote this out of distain. I do love her (as a sister you freaks) but I don’t think I’ll ever stop hating her like this, even though I do know this is unhealthy for me as a person, I just can’t stop. This isn’t really vanilla, though, which is why it isn’t okay. (I don’t want to kill her, I’m not that crazy, but I hate her very existence. Is this how it’s supposted to be? We’ve been siblings for a long time, though, so I doubt it... she’s just disgusting, as a person and as defined by her actions.)
> 
> After taking the emotion from my sister, I twisted it to fit something more of a relationship, because though I would absolutely never love my sister like that, I just feel it’s more fitting the theme, I guess. Enjoy if you enjoy. I know that makes no sense, but just enjoy.

I hate you, this is insanity  
My vanity,  
A calamity.  
I hate you with all of my heart  
So much that it’s tearing me apart  
Shattered distances lost to the wind  
You’ve taken me far back, in a time before I existed.  
Flying, with us, regrets I cannot rescind   
And we’re flying one again, unlisted

And all the things I could never account  
I’ll just put it on our emotional tab  
No matter how much it hurts to recount  
Put it off for another stab at  
Burying emotions, under false pretense.  
I’m telling myself I hate you,  
But this is just pretend.

Emotions wave and ripple,  
Before falling out of sight.  
And no matter how much I want it to be  
This will never be right.  
So let me fall, my way to hell,  
And pave my road with ashes  
Just stop this game of pray and tell  
Or we won’t ever stop these clashes.  
I’m begging, crying, on my knees  
So will you listen to my pleas  
Our love is becoming misted,  
And forever unlisted.

Ah, as we dance in the thorns,  
I’ll follow you and your scorns  
Begging you for more,  
Begging you before-  
We’re becoming unlisted,  
Forever lost in text.  
As you’re becoming more twisted,  
Your reasoning convex.  
I love you so but you must know  
That this isn’t just  
So before our relationship grows cold  
I’ll break our rotten crust.  
Our core, shattered to pieces,  
Serving sizes too.  
And as we adorn leather fleeces  
We will eat, anew.  
No matter how much remains unknown   
This isn’t show and tell  
So don’t show what has been shown


	16. Greater Than Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes I honestly wish I could suffer more just so I could write about it
> 
> And I love myself, I really, honestly do.  
> But I think I love writing more.

Pacing back and forth in an empty classroom   
As if a trite mindset would become my tomb  
No matter how far I walk  
These walls, they talk  
They tell me many things  
Many splendourous, wonderful things.  
Tales woven of queens and kings,  
Tales of maidens and their rings.  
Tales of princesses and princes  
Tales of murders, distanced  
But no matter how much they tell me,  
I can’t escape this room!  
I don’t hold the key,  
Or so I presume.

Hurt me more,  
Bind me tighter.  
I’m simply a blighter.  
The more I feel, the more I give away  
The more my core  
Is here to stay.  
So Aphrodite  
Come and smite me  
Before I confuse your love  
So spirit of peace  
Leave me in pieces   
Just like a shattered dove

Break me, into bits  
Grab a hammer and pound  
Till there’s nothing left.  
Kill me in one of my “fits,”  
Mold me until I’ve lost my sound  
Nothing gained, nothing kept.

Pummel me, in agony  
Give me no more antagony   
Watch me as I fall from the peak  
To the bottom of widows creek   
Watch as I, from before,  
Become no more.  
If I hurt, I’ll win  
If I hurt, I won’t thin  
If I hurt, I’ll be alright  
If I hurt, I’m alive  
If I hurt, I’ll strive   
If I’m hurt, I’ll stride  
To a future for both me and you  
Where I can write only truth  
To a present where the papers don’t bleed  
With a crimson red ink full of lies  
To a present where the trees don’t have teeth  
With dark black skies 

Call me insane, call me a liar  
All I know is the trees are on fire  
I’m caught up in a blazing afterthought  
My mind is hazing, after all  
Leave my body here, leave me to rot  
Leave my body here, down to fall  
Off the cliff, through the trees,  
Let’s just do so as we please.

I wish I could only suffer more  
Which is a “terrible thing to say,” but  
When living so blandly is such a chore  
There are some things we must

do to survive the boredom  
it’s only languid curiosity  
“no” says the voice of decorum  
“Yes” says the voice, ferociously 

I can’t escape this need for stimulation  
Hurt me more, please torture  
But then the Devils start the incantation  
Suddenly, out goes the horror  
who was I, before?


	17. Bubbling Like Soda Pop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lil thing about how you can compare anyone to a specific drink, like a tough dude to black coffee, but some comparisons are more similar than they seem to be

people are like drinks  
some tough black coffee, a fruity smoothie...  
or perhaps a soda pop, drawing links  
as the soda fizzes out and tinks  
you’d miss it, if you blinked   
but the soda leaked, a little bit  
the facade had slipped  
as the fizzy drink tipped  
without emotions clipped  
the soda toppled over.

losing it on the floor,  
like acid ever burns, soda ever bubbles  
“and if the soda’s a bore,  
ditch him, and get some other whore.  
they’re not worth your troubles.”  
words sting deeply, but soda won’t stop fizzing,  
so I won’t stop spinning,  
chasing a life that I can be happy in   
but even gravity can’t help me now

clean me up with soap,  
until nothing remains but the scars on your hand.  
I’ll stick with you, to you, even after I reach the holy land.  
Even if this is some trope,  
I won’t stop climbing this rope.  
But gravity hates me, so I fall and fall  
Until I hear deaths call

But I’m cursed, and I’m pre-packaged  
So I’ll never die, even when I’m fractured  
So shatter me if you must  
But I stick to your body like rust  
Addiction can’t be wiped away  
just like soda stains   
so no matter how much you fray  
I’ll be here, every day  
just like the pains  
the scars, the blackout curtains,  
nothing more can be seen.

leave me out so I’ll lose my flavor   
and you’ll throw me out  
but much like a minor bout,  
you only love me when I’m carbonated.  
So even if I must cator,  
to your dissolved, opinionated,  
opinionistic, outdated standards  
then by gods name, I will cator.

but finally, there still nothing left of me.  
I was in hell, but I’m finally free.  
May soda stains stick to you in pain like scars,  
May your soul fade away amongst the stars.  
We don’t need standards anymore,  
Because we’re immortal.  
Standards were just a chore,  
and honestly, immoral.  
Sip your tea with contempt,  
Just so long as your life is unkempt.  
I’m dissolving to the sky  
Flying like a kite  
So remember me in hate  
And that will be my entry fee to heavens gate


	18. Until 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> was watching some pretty gay stuff and I was like “God, this is so gay and hopeless”(note: I’m not a homophobe, but both of the characters were being painfully awkward.) sO then I related them to myself and I was like “yeah that’s about right” then this came out

I’m fine with keeping things the way they are  
But when I think, I hope our next meeting isn’t too far  
And even when I tell myself I don’t care,  
It makes my heart ache   
Knowing we could be closer  
But I’m much too afraid  
I’m hoping I’m not imposing  
As much as I say it isn’t fair  
As these feelings could be fake  
I doubt it, but I doubt that too  
As much as I wish this were true   
I love you.

A seaside stroll  
With nobody else but you and me  
This times taking its toll  
But, god do I wish it were free.

As time ticks by  
I wish I could fly  
Stopping the hands of Time,  
You and I.  
I only have so many hours  
As god only has so many powers  
So meet me at our beach by 4,  
Any later and I’ll fade away.  
So if I may,  
Take you out this June,  
Or maybe even July,  
I’d cry,  
My tears of mine,  
My tears for you.

So if I may,  
Invite you this day.  
Return next year,  
Here, right here.

Call my love ignorance  
And my happiness bliss   
And I would never mind this  
Dance of density and fate,  
Take me away, waves  
Let me swim in our sea  
For an everlasting eternity

But as it is, I’m too afraid.  
So, I’ll wait for you to  
Call my name.  
And the rain will cease.  
But until that day,  
If I may,  
Invite you this September,  
And I hope that you’ll remember,  
I’ll be here, waiting on our shore  
As the hours wash away like waves  
My spirit will never cave.  
I’ll be waiting, until four.

Hours after five,  
Are all so contrived.  
I’m only so, truly alive  
Until four.

Maybe if you love me so  
I’ll gain more time to know  
If I love you and I’ll marry  
This January,  
Or February.


	20. The fickle, arbitrary words spoken yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thought this one was pretty good I guess haha

Remember me, honey bee  
For my overbearing silence  
As my life was, truly   
A ballad of reconcilement   
So dance with me, and we’ll see  
The light that yet shines through  
Just don’t forget the apostrophe  
That dictates I belong to you.

A slave can’t run with their collar on  
So give my live arbitrary meaning  
From dusk till dawn,  
I’ll wait for you to come home.  
Just never leave me alone.

As as the clock starts ticking,  
And the world starts spinning  
I’m only alive when I’m with you  
And they say the smell of space  
Would cost more than you could take  
So overload me, override all of my systems  
And simply ignore the symptoms 

As life ticks on and on  
I’m stuck in your atmosphere  
Drawn to earth, down to earth,  
I can’t ever escape this curse.  
Even if you were to dissappear   
My iron shackles made of fear   
Bind me here  
For eternity

Let my life be short and sweet  
Fickle with an itch that I can’t scratch  
In the darkness, it glistens.  
The release of death draws near and I still   
can’t attack  
Even now, more than ever  
Life is nothing more than it’s trill  
So, remember me forever,  
To those who dare listen.

It’s me  
You see  
Talking to you right now it’s   
That person  
Wanting you to be happy  
So don’t you dare ignore me!  
And don’t throw another one of your fits  
Smile for the rest of us  
Smile, instead of fuss.  
Because believe me, there’s somebody out there,  
Who loves you more than us.

A poem, a song, a melody  
They all exist to set your heart free.  
As the life of a poem is fickle yet,  
I’ve long since achieved my goal.  
You’re still listening, aren’t you?  
So simply forget  
And remember this in your soul.

Don’t worry, be happy.  
Forget me and live freely.  
I’m contradictory,  
But only as you make me.


	21. Timid love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean I was watching gintama and man, did it f*** me up   
> Gintoki basically has 2 children (like tell me he isn’t protective over them)  
> Kinda just swapped familial (family) love to romantic kissy smooch love because it’s easier to explain (don’t worry I’m not this lazy that often, but cut me slack I wrote this at 1:00 AM)  
> Story in gintama cuts close to home so I was absolutely shooketh (gintoki is me but I’m much less of an honorable person lmao)   
> and I thought about the arc with kaguras Dad near the beginning (like how gintoki literally cannot handle being a father figure because he never had parents and he thinks that kaguras actual father would be better for her and so he tries to casually get out of her life because he never actually acts on what he wants)  
> and then (similarly to how you get a gum ball from a gum machine, you do it on purpose but still) this kinda just popped out awkwardly so I just rolled with it  
> I wasn’t trying to make something with that much thought behind it this time, it was just kinda a blurb   
> hell idfk enough about gintoki to write much about it let alone much accurate content so don’t judge too badly nonexistant viewer (but who would actually read this?)

Because love is timid   
I can’t ever hope to look you in the eye  
And I try, believe me, I try 

My love is in no way tepid  
Believe me, it’s past boiling point  
But as my love bubbles and churns   
My stomach turns   
And I’m running away again 

I can’t handle something like this on my own  
There’s too much love, it’s overflown   
And it’s coursing through my hands   
Down to my feet, and into the sands   
And how someone can give this much away, it’s beyond me.

But as I ponder in the night   
I can’t help but think   
Surely, with my denies,  
This love would surely shrink?  
And as I look at blurry skies   
I can only think of your eyes  
Save me from escapism   
Save me from my demise.

I want to love you back, wholeheartedly  
And I do, but I can’t handle this.  
I’m not allowed to love somebody.   
I’m not allowed to move on.  
But as the waves tremble and sway   
And as our sunset approaches from an eager dawn   
I love you, but I can’t.  
Somebody else would love you more, anyways.

So let shooting stars fall  
From their rightful place in heaven  
And let you, beloved, heed my call  
That my heart is like an oven.  
You’ll be baked,   
without escape,  
Without any silver lining.  
Are you sure, even after all this,  
That you’d still like to go dining?

I can’t look at you, I can’t speak to you  
Without memories of them  
But the barbs are gone, so it’s all fine  
And it seems we’re moving on.  
Because I love you, and you love me too.  
And now there’s nothing left.


	22. By any means necessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blinded, binded and tied up by a gambling addiction. Trying to justify the action of throwing away everything you have. Loving the thrill, even when your loved ones take the fall. Because you don’t care anymore. You live for yourself.
> 
> Gamblers play to win.  
> People with depression play to lose.  
> But even those who play to lose can win it big, as life is unfair.  
> Because everybody plays for the thrill. And everybody pays for the chill.  
> And the thrill is that you can either win it all, or lose it all. And you’ll never be able to take it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is one of the only ones I actually like lmao

I love anything a classy way,  
As it wonderfully sways,  
Bursting forth a wave of colors

I love anything that takes me by surprise  
I love something that can look me in the eyes  
Take the bull by it’s horns!  
And drive it forth.

Illusion me into security  
And then flood me with demise  
Bring me into the sea  
Of darkness beyond the tides

Flood my eyes  
With unrelenting color  
Flood my senses  
With your cries;  
Flood my eyes,  
Flood my eyes,  
Flood my eyes with all of you,  
Flood my eyes with the truth  
And I’ll shy.  
Away, I will stay.

Then rope me back  
Into our game of charades  
Rope me back  
To unyielding death parade!  
Where the tombs are danced upon  
And the flowers crushed beneath our feet.  
Where we’ll dance until dawn  
And bad luck will be our treat!  
But here in the place of holy sacrilege,  
We don’t give a damn what legislation  
Tells us to take a hike!  
Cuz  
We break the rules, we run away,  
We stay to live another day,  
We get tired, we get sick,  
We complain, but being fickle  
Won’t let you go back home!  
We run away, here to stay,  
Because nowhere else accepts us.  
Because nowhere else gives us trust.  
So just let me live my life!  
Just let me grow addicted to this unhealthy adventure,  
Just let me be my own knight without chivalry.  
Because, you don’t need motivations to drive a story  
You only need necessity  
And this is my only thirst quencher  
So just let me fly free...

Dancing over tradition, wearing molten iron shoes!  
Call this the dance of death, and my agony coos.  
Self destruction destroying more than just myself  
Just let me go, bombs away, and let me rot in hell!

Betting my life away in the casinos,  
Chasing life for it’s throes,  
Just let me rot if desire is a sin!  
The Bible goes in the trash bin.

Living life with no morals,  
Getting into quarrels,  
I don’t care how meaningless it is.  
I’ll continue living, for the sake of living.  
Because folks, that’s show biz!  
Endlessly taking without giving...

So don me a spotlight  
And give me the right  
To chase my dream in wild pursuit  
With any means necessary  
Call it quixotic or insane  
But no matter what, I’ll get my way!  
So go ahead and shun me  
Just know that you’re not above me  
And in the end  
I will win  
Not to pretend  
I will win  
Never a friend  
I will win  
To your heart’s content  
I will win.  
So let us bet our lives away to this cold, hard machine.  
So let us hope we win or die in a silence so serene.


	23. Hypocrisy waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically something I made while bored at 1:51 AM. Don’t question me.

I’m a master of trickery   
And all that is unjust  
Because I want to believe  
But I have no trust

And I love hurting people  
Because I don’t want to be hurt  
If you’re really that feeble   
I’ll just be curt  
It’s your fault your crying  
Why don’t you just stop  
But we all know nothing  
Can stop those crystal drops

So let the tide sweep you away   
Create more of what you hate  
Hypocrisy is fun  
Until you’ve realized what you’ve done  
So let us sin so lustfully   
The only truth is honestly  
Desire is hate,  
And love is fate.  
Let us all rot in what we create.

Let the gods smite us   
For smiling and being jubilant  
Let the people fuss  
Over what is just  
An illusion  
Of contradiction  
Meant to stump only those who try  
A confusion  
An addiction  
In making other people cry  
Thinly veiled underneath, disguised  
Under will to destroy, and make demise  
Draw closer.


	24. Sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> man,,, it’s like nobody has any sympathy these days, god. Here’s a thing. It sucks, but don’t we all.

Thousands of colors  
Thousands of men  
Thousands of shoulders  
Thousands of them  
Thousands of thoughts  
Fighting for dominance.  
Thousands of spots   
To give it more than just a glance  
Nobody really thinks, nobody really knows.  
We only know what we are told  
So listen to the elephant in the room  
Loud, and proud, a boisterous boom  
Fill your ears with lies and nonsense  
Swallow, and come back for more  
Devouring lies like common sense  
Honesty is such a chore  
Throwing daggers without a second thought  
I now remember what we were missing   
Was everything we did for naught?  
As if it were a prophecy, I see;  
No sympathy!   
A land, choked by intent,  
Raw and immense.  
Even the lord can’t save our souls anymore.


	25. circus of fixation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in addition to the last chapter, this one was also written later that day, at 6 am instead
> 
> ***what am i doing with my life***

the first note falls flat  
the second with a "plat"  
everything is as scripted  
nothing omitted

"but isn't that boring?" i plead  
but it isn't heard over the reed  
as i ponder happenstance  
im suddenly brought into a trance

the audience claps  
the conductor maps  
the stars shimmer brighter  
i fear im a blighter

the third note was straightforward  
the fifth note was twisted backward  
the tenth note was glistening  
and i fear im still listening  
i whisper "im still here"

a circus of a parade  
a service of a tirade   
the twentieth note was stiffening  
and i fear im still listening

the legs of gold stretch outwards  
creating beauty without words  
the hundredth note was crippling   
but i fear im still listening

fantastical orchestra   
misfortune struck  
play your lullaby  
and kiss my woes goodbye  
tuck me in  
and rescind 

i wake up from the dream  
only to never wake up anew  
"reality is worthless" i deem  
as i drown in champaign   
the spasmodic notes are tripling  
but i fear im still listening  
time, and time, again


End file.
